ndunnart

As I walk into the silence, My eyes sting as my grip slowly loosens, As reality passes my stomach churns, Patience is longing, Guidance is lost, A hole remains deep within my chest, Yet I still search, half expecting a final flash, or familiar sound, Remorse cuts out the air, My heart is choked, Respose is lost, slumber dies, All that remains, never existed.

Without a sound, I am hopelessly thrust into the abyss, No one can talk to me, their words disintegrate and fall before they reach me, My head clouds with smoke, is it day or night, or something in between, My heart unfailingly holds me captive, while my mind berates me with little empathy, Yet I stare unflinchingly forwards, is there a future? Or have I decieved myself so thoroughly, that I feel an end to this madness, Sleep has died. Torture endures. I clench my fists, and scream in agony, but the sound echos infinitely, Then the screams that once were mine, take on a face of their own, and join in the torment.

 For a few years I had worked as a Lifeguard at an indoor/outdoor pool throughout the summer. One year had been exceptionally warm, so that pool was very busy. The size of the pool was a large rectangle approximately 25 meters by 15 meters with a small 3 meter by 5 meter rectangle jutting out of one end of the pool, which was shallow for young children to play in. In the deeper side there was a diving board as it was about 5 m deep, deep enough to dive in. I had just started my shift, and i remember feeling excited about working outside as I had worked at an indoor pool for a few years. Working indoors is fun, but it can get old very fast. S